That. Crazy. Girl.

I am struggling between hiding or showing. Sometimes, you don’t know whether you should stand up or hide behind. If I choose to show, I may not be where I am now. If I hide, people will tend to bully me. Tell me how..

I choose the way I live my life. There are just some things I do not like to do. Everyone is different, I am just not that extraordinary girl who obeys every order.

At times, I am angry but I don’t show it. I shrug it off or dismiss u as very idiotic. If I am considered young and inexperienced, doesn’t mean my sensory gland is not working. I can still sense the underlying meaning behind your words and actions.

I was never really very hurt till that day when someone made a very crude comment to me. You can ask why it hurts? It is because I never thought that someone would make such a comment. A comment that involves one of my dearest ones. Family- I can only have one, but I can have many jobs. I am upset. Till today, I still am very upset. I can never forget that comment ever. NEVER.

I have been pondering about an idea for quite long. Now, I have decided. Nothing can change my mind. It is very unfair and very obvious. Why do I have to put up with this? I am also human with blood flowin in my body…

Unfair. –

Whatever it is… I want to thank all my friends(Jasmine, NeoNeo, Miss Woo, Zi Hui, Wang Jing, Farhah, Kak-kak Aini) for their concern. And to everyone who listen to my woes and complains, esp Juliette who received it 1st-hand!!! Those whose names are not mentioned, you are not forgotten… just too long a list.

************

I dedicated the message below to one of my dearest friend:

Most of the times, our environment force/mould us into what we are. No matter how hard we try, we can never change the way things work. I know you are tired. All of us are tired too.

I noticed that the smiles on your face are decreasing and frowns are increasing… Very scary!! I still like the old bubbly you.

This difficult period is changing us all. And nowadays, we go out lesser. I really hope this period will be over soon and everything will be back to normal. Though things will never be the same again.

Smile more. Take a step back and look at everything from a different view.

Take Care.

************

Till my cough gets better.

X.o.X.o. shin^_^

Been a long long time since i written something.. As usual la, work is busy..

with the crazy anount of workload..

It is the time of the year again. Cold and wet weathers, grey sky…. The whole quiet thing set in. You can only hear the sounds of thunder or rain.

Make me sit down to make a conclusion of my 2008…

Have I matured? Have I become a scheming nurse? Have I learned to stand up for myself?

Most important: Have I decide what I want for my future- Certainly no…Seriously.

And I still don’t have a boyfriend… lol. Not that funny, maybe.

The conclusion is: I seriously did not achieved anything… Haha. It’s ok. Will set resolutions for 2009 and work towards them..

Resolutions for 2009 are still in the making….

Of course, I will be looking forward to 2009.. Hee

Met up with Simin just now… went to Japanese Gourmet Town in Vivo city. No pictue, next time.

Curry soup- tasty. lots of veggie. (3 chillies was just nice)

Okonomiyaki- average. – needs less batter and more cabbage.

Pumpkin tempura- absolutely tasty!!! will go back for this..

She bought me Hello Kitty stuff!!!! so exciting… I bought her a novel… Our outing ended with a chocolate ice-cream and white chocolate mocha!!! And ghostly encounters…

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of my patients pass away yesterday… Felt a bit sad. Tend to get sad when patients pass away cus they are quite long term. And we even become friends with them or their family…

hmmm… do we care enough for the patients?  Are we doing enough?

Or do the surgeons care enough? Or surgeons are only interested to cut people open???

It is sad… Very sad…

P.S. Craving for some thai food now!!!

P.S.S wants to read “the birthday present”. Someone, pls buy for me!!!

X.O.X.O
ShinYee
Till I get some thai food…

A recent span of events have led me to believe that I am very stupid. I never thought I was smart or anything..

But some events and people really make me ponder am i too kind or am i too stupid?? I am very drained out from work on saturday due to mc rates. And I guide a new SN, considering how new I am myself. And another colleague who is only 6 months old and have never nursed ‘B2′ patients, which I have to help her a lot. There is even an AMA(against medical advice) discharge to settle. Which my colleague had nv done before.

If you don’t want treatment, might as well don’t come to hospital. Do not trouble other people, please. Anyway, it is his leg, not mine!!! Since I am on the topic on patients, I shall elaborate more.

To all people: (who are/going to be patients)

1. Pls do not threaten/scolde the nurses. We are humans too. Although hospital say “we will take action against those who abused our staff” Sorry! I nv see actions being taken. Only thing I see: Patient complains = nurses fault. WTF!!!
2. Please do not try to be spokesperson for other patients. You will be deemed as irritating and kpo. If u are so well, might as well discharge. Just keep your  mouth shut!!!
3. Stop screaming if you are not in pain… And don’t scream when we didnt even touch u.
4. And don’t always think u still smell nice after not showering for 10 days and pee on ur bed for like 100 times. It is just plain SMELLY.

I guess that is about all. Can’t think of anymore now.

Gosh!! tell me how many hands and legs and mouth I have. I am not superman ok!!! or rather superwoman..

Yes. I am complaining becus all these are stored in my heart. It is difficult to function with a overloaded heart.. I do understand the lack of staff but why is it me? I am like always the jinx person walking around.

Just like a disaster waiting to happen… I can’t take it anymore. I need to relief my stress. Really need to.

Next issue then.

I am not good in PR-ing or interpersonal relationships. The least I know is to respect people and be polite. And try not to make other people feel small/stupid.

I seriously seriously don’t understand, why some people just cannot take jokes and are super anal.. You life must be like super boring.

We really can’t judge a book by its’ cover.. That’s what I want to say about some people. Nice on outside, super rotten inside. If you feel forced or not happy, let me know. No point throwing some stupid tantrum and saying things to make me feel so dumb.

I don’t think I am dumb. Period.

I hate you. Glad to discover so early. Thank you for letting me know the truth.

P.S. ‘B2′ patients- long term, complicated wounds, discharge problems, anal which make this group of patients difficult to nurse. B2- a station in my ward.

P.S.S. Pls forgive me for the language and this post of complain. I am just too stressed up and depressed..

I have just lost a very good friend and I feel insecure.

I am very worried for a friend of mine. She always seems strong to me. She is the one who always comfort me, give me advice not the other way round.

These few days, she really seem like she is going to break down soon. She really need a good and long rest. No matter how much I try to reassure her, she is still feeling down. Maybe it is due to the workload or that test? Everyday her assignment is different.. nursing different patients.

Sometimes it is just kind of stress to nurse different pts everyday. You are not clear about that and BOOM!! The next day, you are not taking care of the patient anymore. Really cause stress and anxiety… Worse, if you are morning shift.

If some people ask u about your pt and you are nt really sure. It is kind of embarassing. Eg. Like today, people ask me about my pt going for duplex scan, I didn’t even know about it. Cus it is my first day nursing the patient.

Really kind of not safe for patients lo.. And I hate not knowing about the patients.

Whatever!! I don’t want to care anymore. I have enough problems as it is.

********

Can you just stop??? I just don’t understand. I don’t know what you want or what is in your brain? I tried to bury my feelings, don’t dig them out again. Don’t be so cruel to me, can?

Why can’t anyone just understand? Is it so difficult??

P.S. I just want Grey’s Anatomy season 5 1st episode… I love it!!!

On 1/2 day training leave yesterday.. My course was until 1 pm. From 2pm, I loitered in the ward till 5pm.

Lol.. Of course, i help out lah.. Then I left the ward at 5.10pm..

Something wrong with me ar, recording the time. Anyway something is really wrong with me these days and I can’t really figure out what. So, go figure..

After, went for dinner with Guan Yi at city hall.. We went Jap food and drank her favourite macha and chatted for a very long time. About work, friends, nonsense… encouraging each other.. bla… bla… bla… And of cus, about my dearest left ankle. There are just some things in life we have to bear with and live with. Weird things happen to us and we can only hope it will go away soon.

My dearest left ankle had decided to protest to me 1 month ago in HK. Pain, swelling, refusal to move. Totally had difficulty walking while I was in HK. Up until now, there is still some swelling and I tried not to walk so much except during working hours. As all know, my job needs me to stand and walk a lot.

Oh and I went to see a couple of doctors when I had a lot of pain. There was this particular polyclinic doctor who was totally crude and unsympathetic. He has really “good” manners. I told him that my job requires me to stand and walk a lot, leaving out the fact that I am a nurse. Guess what he tell me?

“I can give u a lot of MCs but that won’t help u. If you are so concerned about ur health, you should go speak to your supervisor or do something about your job.”

Thanks. Of cus I know it. You think I come to see you for fun is it? And when I tell him I got swelling, he didn’t even examine or what.. He just told me he don’t see any swelling. If that is your attitude, why the hell in the first place, you spend so much money to get ur MBBS?? I totally despise this kind of doctor. Go home and don’t bother going in to work loh.

**********

OK. Back to yesterday, I was nearly pick-pocketed!!!!!! At a crowded city hall!! ??? What is wrong with all these people? I was totally unaware of her until she “accidentally” pull my bag. My bag was the button type not the zip type. I was playing around with these feather fans and there she was standing super close to me, looking at a wallet directly at the opening of my bag.

Then I felt a pull, I turn to look at her. I walk away to another display seeing that it was getting crowded due to that BITCH. Again, she pulled the same trick and I turn to look at her again. This time, I shouted loudly to Guan Yi that I thought someone was trying to pick-pocket me. Then I saw this BITCH quickly walked away. Super angry, can!!!!! I cursed for about 15 mins before I can stop!!!!!!! You looked perfectly well to me, go get a job la, why steal???

Bloody Bitch!

P.S. To someone: Knowing too much will do u no good. Why must you be so stubborn and obstinate? Learn to let go of things. You had already know from day one it is a dog-eat-dog world. And we do get tired hearing about your complains~~

This is how we always start our story telling in primary school with that super cute voice of ours.

My voice was cute, I don’t know about yours. But I have grew out of my cute voice since then. I don’t need my cute voice at this age of mine. However I wish life will be as simple as before.

Everyone as innocent as before. Everyone are friends. How come it become so complicated when we grow up?

We make it complicated by ourselves? We deserve it? Sigh.

Now I don’t story tell, I only read stories! (Sidetrack: I wanna read Babara Smit: Sneakers’ War. I bought some storybooks again.)

What was written above is all rubbish lah. I have got nothing better to do. I believe that when we got nothing better to do, we will write something and hurt someone heart. So, for those who have no life, find something to do. Don’t be such a sadist. And don’t be pathetic.  

Mouth. Few ways to use it.

1. Eating.
2. Talking.
3. Gossiping.
4. Quarreling. Shouting.

Basically that’s all. We should really avoid using our mouth for the 3rd and 4th. No good. No good at all. Ok. this is irrelevant either.

This post is nonsense.. Don’t know what I am writing about.

Everything happen with a reason. If you aren’t so obvious, nobody would have known.. It would have been a beautiful secret and memory in our hearts. You made it ugly.  So blame no one but yourself. Nobody can force you to do anything you don’t want.

P.S. we should all start to learn to grow up. It is essential~

P.S.S. Looking forward to GG Season 2.

莫文蔚-他不愛我

Last year, this day was my 1st day wearing the SN uniform and working in SGH.

A year has pass, it just seemed like yesterday.

In this one year, I grew up. My temper became shorter. I make new friends, new enemies.

Really happy to have all the new friends in my life. Esp: Farhah, Wang Jing, Zi hui and Guan Yi.. They are always there for me when I need someone to listen to my complains!!!!! A lot of them.. Thank you!

As for enemies, I wont say much. But my dislike for someone is quite obvious. Somehow I don’t know why I can tahan them …. I was accused of things I nv did by them.. I can only say I am shocked at how they manage to manipulate people. And of cus I look like the murderer and they, the victim.

Sigh.. I can only blame it on my loud voice and unfriendly looks. No. Seriously I don’t think I am that unfriendly.

Anyway… Happy one year anniversary!!!

Things have changed. People have changed. New people came into my life, some left.

Lessons learnt. Mistakes will not be make again.

I will continue to grow.

*************

Happy Birthday, sister Amy!!!!

Smile always and stay happy!!!!

P.S. I think the music player is not working…

Ever and ever.

No matter how hard I try to perfect the egg mixture, people still manage to find a fish bone in my omelette.

No matter, how well done the omelette is, there is always a fishbone. Even if it is 0.1mm, she still manage to  find it.

I used all the right ingredients, right spices, her favourite flavour… There is still a fish bone present.

Why? 

I don’t ever add fish to my omelette. Where does the fish bone come from??

Arrrrr. I know. She is being fussy and biased. Hmpf!!!!

If it is someone else cooking the omelette, it would be a different story.

I know. I just know.

I only have a pair of hands. How much can I do to make everyone happy?

I need to chop up the ingredients.

I need to beat the eggs.

I need to heat the pan. I need to fry the egg.

I need to flip the egg. I need to serve the egg and present it nicely.

I need to wash the pans, clear the rubbish.

I need to clean up the kitchen.

I need to wash the dishes. 

Just how much can I do?? Don’t ask for too much, cus I can’t and is unable to give.

Continue to fish for fish bones in my omelette. Cus I don’t wanna care so much anymore.

I guess maybe someone else apprepciate my omelettes more than you do.

Whatever. What am I writing about anyway?

Yesterday, my father said this to me.

“You don’t go anywhere. Everday is go to work, sleep then go to work again. You even sleep on your off day.” Cus I refused to go jogging with him. Lol.

Quite true la. He kinda make me realise how no life I am after I started working.

I am tired lei.. Really. I think any person that work in the hospital is very tired lo.

A housekeeping cleaner works a 12 hour shift.(if i am not wrong) They need to mop the floor, clean the bed when patient discharge,(mind you, can be up to 10-20 discharges for the whole ward a day.) clean the windows, not to mention clearing the rubbish.

A nurse works a 8 hour shift, providing u can finish your work on time. There is no overtime pay or whatsoever. On average, a SN and a EN cares for 8-12 patients, depending the number of staffing that shift.

However, it gets bad in the morning.. A SN needs to do like maybe 6-7 wound dressings, writes report, serve medicine, monitor hypocount, discharge patient, pester the HO to do this and do that, call centres/clinics to secure appts, and the list goes on. How to do all these in 8 hours?? And we need to make bed and serve diet in between all these.

A EN needs to shower patients, fetch and send patients to wherever it is in the hospital(OT, dialysis centre…), update clinical charts, 2 hour turning for bed-bound patients, measure vital signs(BP, HR, Temp, Pain score), etc etc…

Got tons to say.. but not today.

Sigh.. This is just life and work, isn’t it?

  ******************** 

Today seems a tad too depressing.. A grey sky, rain non-stop. My mum is down with the flu. Also Lydia sum memorial service today..

I can’t deal with death very good considering what I am working as. Watching the memorial service on tv with my not-so-well mum and the grey weather makes everything so SAD!!!!!

I couldn’t watch it after 1 hour, so depressing loh!!!

I said before rainy weathers are depressing and I hate them!! Read about it.. I want the sun la.. Some people keep saying my tan is ugly loh.. I think they are just jealous la.

2007 is an exciting year for me. I got myself a job.(deep SHIT!!!!!)  Make new friends. Make new enemies, that’s what I always do.  Seen true colours in people. I learn to support myself, earn my 1st dollar. Bought my own 1st bag, cosmetics and so on… I brought my mum for fine dining- not actually. Lol..

As for my job, I am settling quite well now. But there are times when I find it is hard to go on. I don’t know why. Sometimes it is hard to talk to your friends about problems you met @ work. They either don’t understand and make sarcastic remarks or they have their own set of problems.

Sigh… The same problem exist even when you talk to your colleagues. Nobody can truly understand the kind of stress you are going through. Life sucks! Plus a family who dont understand what you are going through!!!!!! ARRRRRR. They will just tell u: oh, this is just a difficult period for you, it will pass. Har?? Only thing you can say???

I am too depressed to blog anymore. Going to prepare for my japan trip tml. Shall update when I come back. I will end this post with my picture… haha~

RoaR…..

P.S. Too much Dr McDreamy is no good for me!! And too much Dr JackAss(Alex) is no good for Juliette!!